The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
