dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
