It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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