i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
