Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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