walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
