It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
