Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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