if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
