That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
