the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
