I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
