i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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