He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
