She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
