Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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