We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
