I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
