Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize