Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
