Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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