One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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