Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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