i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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