I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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