So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
