Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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