i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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