Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have post one night stand depression
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
