Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think my moral compass just broke
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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