just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
