I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
