my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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