Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
