You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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