i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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