I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think my vagina is haunted
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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