you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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