You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize