the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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