i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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