i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
