Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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