I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
