sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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