Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm always down for nudity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
