i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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