He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize