I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
