dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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