I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize