just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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