well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
