the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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