I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
