You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
