I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
