He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
