Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
