Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
