im six kinds of drunk right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
