I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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