You're completely useless in the revolution.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize