census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
