We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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