Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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