im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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